I had a great day...but...a lengthy one.
Today I received all the rest of my camera accessories in the mail. Excellent. Great new little tripod, so light! I'm already in love. Yes...in love with my camera equipment. You heard me.
I love easily. I constantly tell my friends that I love them. I often wonder if it makes some feel uncomfortable. I honestly couldn't care less. I suppose that is the problem I have most of the time; I am honest, and not prepared for the consequences, and/or I just don't mind making people feel awkward. Honestly, [ha], I usually enjoy making people feel awkward. Is this wrong?
I saw my mother's parents today. I absolutely adore my grandparents. I love both my father's, and my mother's parents, very much. Today I saw the Przyborski's! Grandma Soft Arms, for all of you out there who know how much of a Grandma Rose Enthusiast that I am.
I always notice how openly loving I am with my grandparents, and how sometimes it makes them bashful. It makes me wonder. How are people so afraid? Maybe my grandparents didn't receive the devotion that present parents show their children? Or, they just enjoy my enthusiasm for loving them and that is simply enough. Not that they don't show me enough that they enjoy my company and love me a ridiculous amount, because they certainly do...I'm just asking in general. What holds people back?
I guess being open isn't an easy thing to do. For one, you have to be confident and sure that you are acting accordingly to the situation. Or, like me, so ridiculously confident [or just self centered enough, haha] that you bypass the politeness of what you should do in that situation, and do something like you REALLY mean to, with no regard to politeness, or to "should" do, but rather, what to "want" to do.
Why don't we do that more often?
Are we always looking for that 'one' person to share ourselves with too often? Why just one person? Aren't there many people to which we should be open? If we would only trust ourselves enough? Maybe? Possibly?
I can't help myself. Maybe I am not confident. Maybe I am just more affected by...fear. Fear of loosing the ones that mean the most to me, and I have that fear far too often. I feel if I don't show the love that I feel right now, RIGHT NOW, then it's going to be too late. And you know what? Maybe it will be too late. Is that really such an awful thing to fear? If it gets me to be more open, and more loving towards the individuals I truly care about, maybe my anxiety isn't so unhealthy...
I love my Grandma Rose so much, that sometimes I do things for her that I wouldn't ordinarily want for myself. I honestly never want to get married. However, if I could make my Grandmother happy by having her at my wedding, I would totally do it. If that is something she wants to see before she ascends, I swear I'll do it. I would love to have that picturesque wedding, with the white gown, beautiful cake...photographers milling around...taking pictures of three generations: my Mother, myself, and my Grandmother; if that is something she wants. I would love to have that, if that is something she wants.
Sometimes I love my Grandmother so much, she almost makes me believe in God.
I feel that humans easily love, but commitment...commitment to that love is the work. I think that once you love someone, you never stop loving them. You just push it to the back of your mind if you must stop loving them. Even if someone has wronged you, there is no going back...you still love them. No doubts in my mind.
Wow. I could probably keep going on about this...most likely because it's been a night full of too much thinking.
An interesting conversation:
1 : what do [you] think about the saying that thinking and feeling is not doing and doing is all that matters?
2 : i agree with that. doing is all that matters 100% you can think and feel all you want but that won't get anything accomplished
1 : hm i guess but what leads you to do something? its how you feel right? you act based on how you feel? or you feel based on how you act?
2 : hmm both
1 : because if you act based on how you feel... then feeling is equally important
2 : i didn't say feeling isn't important but feeling doesn't get things accomplished
1 : true but you do what you feel is right?
2 : no
1 : or rather you think based on your emotions... which leads to what you ultimately do
2: do you ever know what you think is right?
1 : yes
2 : yes. but we shouldn't act on our emotions. which gets us into trouble
1 : you know something is right when you feel it but if you never act on your emotions you never know for sure if thats how you feel maybe you feel something and think if you want to act on it... and if you do thats when you know for sure if it was right or not
2 : yeah i could agree with that
1 : so ultimately you have a choice based on your emotions. and shouldnt let your mind always tell you not to act on your emotions or youd never be able to really feel. how about i think therefore i am? do your thoughts and perceptions affect the way you feel?
2 : that is true as well. yes.
1 : so if you change how you think you can change how you feel?
2 : yes. very true. i am a good example of that concept
1 : how so?
2 : i used to always be down on myself for no reason i thought that i was an awful person. i realize now that i am, in fact, not an awful person. i changed my negative thinking into constructive and positive thinking. i therefore no longer feel like i am worthless
1 : thats very true. so that works on if you believe in something you can accomplish it?
2 : yes, i think so
1 : i see. but what makes you believe in something or someone?
2 : knowledge? hope? faith? trust?
1 : does it/they make you believe it or do you make yourself believe it?
2 : intuition? both
1 : but those are all based on emotion
2 : knowledge? is based on emotion?
1 : where do you get knowledge from? if you never try something you felt... because you said you cant act on emotion
2 : knowledge from...nurture
knowledge from...environment
knowledge from...instinct
1 : hm interesting to think about. so you think that your mind is more powerful than any emotion and all? well i mean you can convince yourself of anything or to override anything. and while it may be irrational you can still convince yourself to think that way even if you know its irrational
2 : yes
1 : so ultimately your mind is the strongest part of you?
2 : yes
1 : i would agree
0 comments:
Post a Comment